catharsis_logs: (princess Starscream)
[personal profile] catharsis_logs
About me:
I’m trans, ftm, also genderfluid. It’s funny, I transitioned, but I’ve never felt more close to my feminine side. I’ve been sorta struggling with my desire to wear pretty girly things. I wish it was more acceptable for men to wear girl clothes. I would very much like to be a ‘man in a dress’, able to walk around comfortably and without fear of loss of safety. I’m also confident enough in my masculinity to be able to brush off some stuff that other men might get into fights about. Like, I’m not too bothered by my height, I’m five-three, which is pretty damn short for a man, and even short for a woman too. I’m currently growing out my hair to see how it feels and because I’m too lazy to get it cut.

I’ve kind of fallen out of fandoms recently. I’ve been much more into playing video games and watching I’m hoping that this recent lull in activity is just a sign of summer and not depression creeping up on me again. I’ve even fallen out of watching Steven Universe regularly. It’s my normal thing, where I can’t force myself to do anything. I highly recommend Starbound as a game and I’m looking forward to No Man’s Sky as an experience. I just hope the hype of lack of hype doesn’t kill it for me so I’ve been kinda avoiding the forums, not to mention the forums on Gamefaqs are kind of toxic.

I recently watched the new Star Trek movie and I have a new rarepair simply because one half of the pair got the really short end of the stick in the movie and I want the other to sweep her off her feet and rescue her. It’s also femslash so bonus points for me. Femslash is far too rare. Now we’ll see if I actually do it. So far I’ve thought about it in the shower… I might also write later about what I thought about the movie itself. I already did a little bit, but I want to try in a much more coherent way. One thing that I’ve noticed is that the more I think about the story, and dig deep, the less stuff there is and it makes less sense/is less coherent. It’s one thing to watch the movie itself and another to analyze it, if that makes sense.

I have PTSD on account of poor parenting on the side of my mother. My dad is almost perfect, he’s a great guy, but my mom… let’s say things would be very different if one. She herself hadn’t had a severe mental illness, and/or two. She hadn’t died when she did. I like to think that my life has improved since she’s been gone and for the most part I think that’s true. The bad part, is that I feel like I haven’t grown up. Like I’m still stuck at twelve/thirteen mentally. Which isn’t too true, I’m a lot more mature, but in terms of stark ‘grown up things’ I don’t think I’m very adult. *sigh*

I like to think of myself as a writer, even if I don’t do a whole lot of it anymore, and I’m worried that any talent of mine has died with the inactivity. Oh well. *shrugs* I’ll get around to it eventually. Maybe when I’m out of college and desperate for a job and bored out of my mind. I’m sure I’ll get there eventually. There’s also the fact that I’ve been writing a journal on my computer for around seven hundred and six days. So I’ll be really good at writing a journal-type fiction where the main character is me. *sigh* I also have ambitions for drawing in traditional media, I also like collage. I have a friend who knits, and I’ve recently been thinking about learning, if only to have something to do with my hands when I’m sitting in front of the computer doing nothing but watching twitch livestreams. It helps that there’s a dedicated knit store here in my hometown lol.

Feel free to also ask questions. Like what my favorite color is, the clothes I wear, when I transitioned, what exactly is that rare pair in Star Trek if you don't mind being spoiled, etc. :)
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