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Oct. 24th, 2024 04:00 pmCan’t cut-text since for some reason my iPad doesn’t like putting down the correct font of the quotation marks dreamwidth prefers haha.
So. Grief. I think the 1st year my dad was gone I was either numb or overwhelmed. I think I spent a lot of it recovering from the amount of stress and pain (both physical and mental) of that last year and a half of taking care of him.
This year I miss him more, it’s a little like a constant ache now. Pretty much every day I say some variation of “I miss you”.
Day before last was pretty upsetting. My sis made a new guy friend and for some reason I have an almost phobia of men which I don’t know why, more women than men in my life have hurt me and the most supportive pillar of my life was my dad. She asked me if he could come over and I kind of squirmed and was vague about how much I did not want him to come over. We finally agreed (me with reluctance) that he could come over on Sunday.
So on TUESDAY I wake up in my room, and I hear a man’s voice in my sister’s room. And my heart sank. I did not want to meet him when I’d just woken up. It was lucky that I had PANTS I could wear in my room so I didn’t have to sneak by in my underwear. Went downstairs PRAYING that they would stay in my sis’s room. Managed to go to the bathroom (and cry a little, feeling that my sis had violated my trust) and took my morning meds. I gathered up some entertainment from my room and went back upstairs to my room, unfortunately my sis’s door was more open than it had been and she said “Hey Damien!” And I said “HEY.” And went into my room.
I texted my friend the whole situation. And then I called the pharmacy to make sure I was gonna get my meds that day. Then I called my therapist.
So. Grief. I think the 1st year my dad was gone I was either numb or overwhelmed. I think I spent a lot of it recovering from the amount of stress and pain (both physical and mental) of that last year and a half of taking care of him.
This year I miss him more, it’s a little like a constant ache now. Pretty much every day I say some variation of “I miss you”.
Day before last was pretty upsetting. My sis made a new guy friend and for some reason I have an almost phobia of men which I don’t know why, more women than men in my life have hurt me and the most supportive pillar of my life was my dad. She asked me if he could come over and I kind of squirmed and was vague about how much I did not want him to come over. We finally agreed (me with reluctance) that he could come over on Sunday.
So on TUESDAY I wake up in my room, and I hear a man’s voice in my sister’s room. And my heart sank. I did not want to meet him when I’d just woken up. It was lucky that I had PANTS I could wear in my room so I didn’t have to sneak by in my underwear. Went downstairs PRAYING that they would stay in my sis’s room. Managed to go to the bathroom (and cry a little, feeling that my sis had violated my trust) and took my morning meds. I gathered up some entertainment from my room and went back upstairs to my room, unfortunately my sis’s door was more open than it had been and she said “Hey Damien!” And I said “HEY.” And went into my room.
I texted my friend the whole situation. And then I called the pharmacy to make sure I was gonna get my meds that day. Then I called my therapist.
