catharsis_logs | Have you ever had that peculiar suicidal feeling of wanting to be reincarnated?

That's the thing that used to scare me about eastern religions and me wanting to believe in eastern religions. Only the religions that had reincarnation in them were the ones that I was afraid of. I was afraid of a loss of self, of *me* not being *me* anymore. I was possessive of my *self*, I didn't want to lose who I was. I didn't want to lose all my memories and become purely what I am.

I'm thinking here a little, and part of me is scared in turn of being *purely myself* with no memories of *anything* or memories of *every life I've ever lived*. I'm worried that what I am at the core, is just the emotion of Sadness or Loneliness. What if it's in my very *core* to be a sad person -not all of the time but- most of the time?

Another part of me believes that at my core I am a just-fine person. Compassionate, wise but not bitter. Willing to ease others pain, being able to ease my own pain. And I could be all of these things, if I just wasn't me anymore. If anything that made me, me, were to be erased. Or for my memories of this life, the good and the bad, to be wiped from existence.

I'm just so *tired*, I want to rest for a hundred years, and then get a new start. I want to die, so that I can be born again. I want the end of the world to come, to be in a different existence. I want a good life, I don't care too much about happy anymore, I just want a *tolerable* life. Or I want a different point of view.