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Aug. 23rd, 2018 11:59 pmWOO yall, I am SCARED. I’m hoping that it’s mostly just my anxiety creating noise but one of the trickier parts of being transgender is that I have doctors that I have seen when I ID’d differently and LOOKED pretty damn different too. And now I’m coming in with a different name and a beard and I’m having some intrusive thoughts about transphobic behavior and being under the knife. (Getting a tooth removed! If any fuckery happens (WHICH IT WON’T BY GOD-) I hope it’ll happen before the painful part.)
Anyway, I'm gonna be waking up at a god awful early time tomorrow to pay someone lots of money to remove a tooth and just before I go in (after I'm done driving) I'm gonna take my full daily dose of xanax (a pill and a half) before I even go in.
I need to center myself and just hope for the best. A video game I've kind of been looking forward to is coming out tomorrow too, so I can reward myself with that. Off to take a shower and then go to bed. <3 WIsh me luck.
Edit: freaked out in the shower. Then went downstairs to see if my dad would be okay with just, coming in the room while I'm getting the tooth removed because that helps a little with the intrusive thoughts. He also reassured me that the doctor we're going to is a really cool guy and that me being trans wouldn't be a problem (Or he would be incredibly surprised if it were) and I took have a Xanax and now I'm feeling a little better. I'm also gonna take a half a pain pill because that'll help with my current cough that I"ve had for like two WEEKS now (also terrified of needing to cough when they have pliers in my mouth) and also will help to knock me out so I can sleep. Waking up tomorrow at seven in the MORNING is going to be a whole other journey, and then driving forty-five minutes to the dentist's office. Tomorrow is going to be fun.
Anyway, I'm gonna be waking up at a god awful early time tomorrow to pay someone lots of money to remove a tooth and just before I go in (after I'm done driving) I'm gonna take my full daily dose of xanax (a pill and a half) before I even go in.
I need to center myself and just hope for the best. A video game I've kind of been looking forward to is coming out tomorrow too, so I can reward myself with that. Off to take a shower and then go to bed. <3 WIsh me luck.
Edit: freaked out in the shower. Then went downstairs to see if my dad would be okay with just, coming in the room while I'm getting the tooth removed because that helps a little with the intrusive thoughts. He also reassured me that the doctor we're going to is a really cool guy and that me being trans wouldn't be a problem (Or he would be incredibly surprised if it were) and I took have a Xanax and now I'm feeling a little better. I'm also gonna take a half a pain pill because that'll help with my current cough that I"ve had for like two WEEKS now (also terrified of needing to cough when they have pliers in my mouth) and also will help to knock me out so I can sleep. Waking up tomorrow at seven in the MORNING is going to be a whole other journey, and then driving forty-five minutes to the dentist's office. Tomorrow is going to be fun.
