Aug. 5th, 2023

catharsis_logs: blurred ocean (blurred ocean)
My dad passed today.

There's going to be a lot of processing after this, but my sis came in this morning in tears to tell me. He'd already started to change colors. Still warm, so I got to give him a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

Last night was slightly cathartic. The last day or so has been immensely hard. But the night before last, when I was going to bed, I bent down and just hugged him for a long time. He hugged me tight and said "I could do this forever."

I told him I loved him at the door to his room. He told me he loved me back. (I'm already having trouble remembering the sound of his voice) I felt... hesitant to say that I would see him tomorrow. I usually do a 'see you in the morning' and it felt strange to say it this time so I stuttered for a second and he said "See you later alligator." and I said "After a while crocodile." And I shut the door. That was the last time he was conscious and aware of his surroundings.

My godparents are here now. They came down last night. I'm having a little bit of trouble, processing. But I wanted to write this here now, so I could have a record to look at for later.

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Alexander

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