CW death, description of dying
Aug. 5th, 2023 10:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catharsis_logsMy dad passed today.
There's going to be a lot of processing after this, but my sis came in this morning in tears to tell me. He'd already started to change colors. Still warm, so I got to give him a hug and a kiss on the forehead.
Last night was slightly cathartic. The last day or so has been immensely hard. But the night before last, when I was going to bed, I bent down and just hugged him for a long time. He hugged me tight and said "I could do this forever."
I told him I loved him at the door to his room. He told me he loved me back. (I'm already having trouble remembering the sound of his voice) I felt... hesitant to say that I would see him tomorrow. I usually do a 'see you in the morning' and it felt strange to say it this time so I stuttered for a second and he said "See you later alligator." and I said "After a while crocodile." And I shut the door. That was the last time he was conscious and aware of his surroundings.
My godparents are here now. They came down last night. I'm having a little bit of trouble, processing. But I wanted to write this here now, so I could have a record to look at for later.
There's going to be a lot of processing after this, but my sis came in this morning in tears to tell me. He'd already started to change colors. Still warm, so I got to give him a hug and a kiss on the forehead.
Last night was slightly cathartic. The last day or so has been immensely hard. But the night before last, when I was going to bed, I bent down and just hugged him for a long time. He hugged me tight and said "I could do this forever."
I told him I loved him at the door to his room. He told me he loved me back. (I'm already having trouble remembering the sound of his voice) I felt... hesitant to say that I would see him tomorrow. I usually do a 'see you in the morning' and it felt strange to say it this time so I stuttered for a second and he said "See you later alligator." and I said "After a while crocodile." And I shut the door. That was the last time he was conscious and aware of his surroundings.
My godparents are here now. They came down last night. I'm having a little bit of trouble, processing. But I wanted to write this here now, so I could have a record to look at for later.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-06 11:38 pm (UTC)It's good that your godparents are there. And I'm glad that you had that long hug, that you got to say I love you and even a kind of goodbye.
I'll be thinking of you. And I'm here to listen, if you ever want. Take care of yourself, friend.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-08 10:57 pm (UTC)