catharsis_logs | Shot day. Yay...

'Tis really lame. I seem to be developing a fear of needles. Or at least a fear of sticking myself with a huge needle all by my lonesome. I was shaking and almost crying the first time I tried it, then I noticed the air bubbles in the syringe and I squeezed all the air out of there and went and got my dad.

He watched me while I tried a second time and I actually did it this time, but it hurt more than it did the other two times and when I pulled the needle out some black-red blood flowed out almost immediately. I almost freaked out but my dad told me to put pressure on it so I did really quickly and after that it was fine. I just kept a really hard pressure on the puncture until my dad told me to take a look and I did and it was all fine, there was no more oozing blood.

Now I don't know how I'm going to do my next shot. I think about it now and my stomach curls up on itself. It's two weeks from now, I've got to somehow convince myself that it'll be all right, this is all worth it. (And it is, it really is, I think part of my trepidation today was not just the needle going into my skin, but a freak-out of what other people will think of me now that I'm a month on T.

I can do this. I can do this. I can give myself a damn shot in the leg once every two weeks. At least it's not every week. I don't think I could do that, and I don't think my leg would be able to recover in time for the next shot. Bleah, well, angsting over with. I'm going to move on with my day and a newly re-discovered love for Minecraft!