Inevitable melancholy
Dec. 31st, 2012 01:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catharsis_logsI've been sitting on a bad feeling since mid-way through the day and it's trying to sink its claws in, but it's like my body's turned into silly-putty and when punctured, the holes just fill right back in. I'm a regenerating slime! *laughs* Honestly though, it kinda sucks. I don't like the fact that someone can just throw salt in my face and watch me sizzle and fizz. Oh that's snails? Well, I suppose it can fit in somehow with regenerating slimes.
I had an eventful day in which I read lots, and lots, and lots of fanfiction. Then I watch most of Lord of the Rings with my sister (while her boyfriend sits in the background and plays LoL) who watches Aragorn give Boromir a fucking kiss on the forehead and proceeds to mentally turn herself into a hypocrite by saying; "I can't believe that some people like to think about Aragorn and Boromir together." and sends this half-disgusted look to me as if asking me 'what's wrong with people/the world?'.
So I'm a little upset/shaken at this point, because I like to ship people together (granted Boromir and Aragorn aren't my usual shipping 'type', but my sister makes it clear that she thinks like this about all non-canon pairings...) and what does that say about me in my sister/the world's eyes?
She then says that she's 'okay' with a girly man and another girly man getting together, (she doesn't even talk about a girly man and a manly man being together), but then she says that she doesn't 'like' it and that it doesn't seem 'right' that a manly man and another manly man can get together. WTF? I'm completely bowled over by all the shit spilling out of my little sister's mouth. (Plus my own recently-blossomed sexuality shivered and died a little at these words.)
I also got the (possibly unfair) feeling that since I was born female it was totally fine for me to want to fuck men. I think the T might be affecting my emotions a little bit now, because the ever-present irritation that's been hovering around my head for the past few days has turned into outright seething (but contained inside my head) anger.
Then, the cherry on the rotten cheesecake, I stare into the mirror today, getting ready for a shower and my vagina decides to taunt me and kick me in the face with the fact that it was never and never will be a penis. *headdesk*
I had an eventful day in which I read lots, and lots, and lots of fanfiction. Then I watch most of Lord of the Rings with my sister (while her boyfriend sits in the background and plays LoL) who watches Aragorn give Boromir a fucking kiss on the forehead and proceeds to mentally turn herself into a hypocrite by saying; "I can't believe that some people like to think about Aragorn and Boromir together." and sends this half-disgusted look to me as if asking me 'what's wrong with people/the world?'.
So I'm a little upset/shaken at this point, because I like to ship people together (granted Boromir and Aragorn aren't my usual shipping 'type', but my sister makes it clear that she thinks like this about all non-canon pairings...) and what does that say about me in my sister/the world's eyes?
She then says that she's 'okay' with a girly man and another girly man getting together, (she doesn't even talk about a girly man and a manly man being together), but then she says that she doesn't 'like' it and that it doesn't seem 'right' that a manly man and another manly man can get together. WTF? I'm completely bowled over by all the shit spilling out of my little sister's mouth. (Plus my own recently-blossomed sexuality shivered and died a little at these words.)
I also got the (possibly unfair) feeling that since I was born female it was totally fine for me to want to fuck men. I think the T might be affecting my emotions a little bit now, because the ever-present irritation that's been hovering around my head for the past few days has turned into outright seething (but contained inside my head) anger.
Then, the cherry on the rotten cheesecake, I stare into the mirror today, getting ready for a shower and my vagina decides to taunt me and kick me in the face with the fact that it was never and never will be a penis. *headdesk*
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Date: 2012-12-31 12:19 pm (UTC)How completely random are your sister's prejudices, though? I mean, what is her reasoning even -- that the "girliness" (whatever that even means, since it's not like girls don't come in a zillion different flavors anyway) of the two guys somehow adds up to the equivalent of one whole woman, thus granting the relationship a sort of honorary heterosexuality? Somehow, I just don't think that's how it works. o_O