Daily Reflection (soon to become a regular thing?)

[catharsis_logs]

Preface: I want to do this so that if I have a really looong day, I can think the next day about what I did or didn't do the day previous. Sometimes if I sleep in between actual bedtime, I get disconnected about what I did in the morning and what I do after my nap.

I also want to do this to keep track (somewhat) of my spending habits, but mostly, keep an eye on my health/mental health/what I eat during a day and how that affects my stomach/how my anxiety spikes and what it does throughout a day/ + random comments about people-places-things (otherwise known as nouns).
END PREFACE:

Reflection #1 01-05-2014
What I ate: (sequential, mostly)
oatmeal with lots of clover honey (one packet)
A protein almond bar-thing
steamed brocoli and zitti
A 6-inch subway sandwich (turkey, americancheese, lettuce, black olives, honey mustard)

What I did:
- woke up around 9:00am
- got dressed
- went to lounge to make/eat oatmeal
- was up until around 10:30am
- went to take a nap until 12:30pm slept in until around 1:50pm (been having a rough time sleeping lately, vaguely worried about it)
- got up, gathered stuff, went to bookstore. Wandered around bookstore, and got two books Margaret Atwood's poetry collection The Door and Earth Thirst by Mark Teppo (with vampires as eco-warriors. Interesting concept that caught my eye the last time I was there and I decided to get it)
- Went to whole foods bought food for today and tomorrow. (I have left: some melon, some watermelon(both cut into pieces in a small container), five or six almond bar protein things, a twice cooked sweet potato, some green beans with a small half of herb cooked red potato with a little bit of gravy on top.)

How I felt:
Weirdly aimless. I find that this sort of feeling happens a lot when I have empty space before a term (especially the weekend before the term starts). I don't really know what to do with myself and it's like I'm in a state of suspended waiting. I WANT to draw, or write, or do productive things, but I have a feeling of being frozen and uncertain about things. (and a little bit of anxiety towards STARTING things)

My stomach has been weird; I've been 'feeling' hungry, even though I usually have JUST eaten within the last ten to thirty minutes. Anxiety or stomach shit(ulcer/acid reflux both possible)?

Starting school for me has become my new night-before-Christmas. It's pretty much the MOST anxiety-inducing time for me. I have time right before a class starts for the first time to think of all the things that could go wrong. I don't know the professor, I don't know the professor's teaching style I don't know the professor's hangups about gender or sexuality or ANYTHING and I don't know the students or their maturity level. Oh god, suddenly I'm really worried about spanish because I'm going into the beginner class and I can expect a lot of freshmen that don't want to be there and UGH there is nothing more I dislike than freshman (and really young people) who don't want to be there!

I have this problem where I get angry about things preemptively and that's BAD because the anger-causing thing hasn't HAPPENED YET. (it's the same thing for my anxiety)

My emotions get 'wrinkled', that's the best way I can describe it. And certain noises make it impossible for the 'wrinkles' the smooth out. For example: the weird electrical hum that occurs sometimes in my room, the DAMN dog (of whom I recognize their BARK) that likes to bark outside of my room. (there's like a make-shift dog park out there, which can get frustrating) AND my upstairs neighbor that seems to get home at twelve IN THE MORNING and then REARRANGES their room. I've taken to preemptively putting my ipod on a whitenoise track to block out the 'wrinkly' noises.
GOD IT WON'T SHUT UP.(the dog I mentioned before)
Ending this here so that I can flee my room. (not living up to the icon on this entry lol.)