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catharsis_logsMy 'roommate' emailed me introducing herself. The kicker here is that I know her, and I have liked her when I saw her in the QRC (where she now works at the front desk which is another emotionally-complicated-kicker) but I still can't live with her. I wish I could. I really kinda do! But I can't! That's a line I've drawn in the emotional sand when I started even *thinking* about going to college! So the below statement is really me trying to work through some of the feelings that I've been having and also attempting to come up with some sort of format for emailing my 'roommate' back kind of letting her know the situation. I'm NOT gonna send what I post below, below is more of a depressed rant than anything, but getting my thoughts in order is good. At least now I'm depressed and feeling guilty instead of being absolutely terrified which is so much better *extreme sarcasm*.
So yeah. Comments and/or advice and/or reassurance absolutely welcomed and appreciated.
[my university] has put me in a very difficult and uncomfortable position. I’m a student registered with the Disability Resource Center who should not have had a roommate assigned to me but was assigned one anyway by accident. I’m very saddened and upset by this mistake and I only wish I was someone who could enjoy or tolerate having someone else in my living space. I’m the kind of person of whom if I had a significant other, they’d be sleeping in another room, or at least I would have a room in the house/space that was purely my own that I could go and be within four walls and a door. It is a necessity for my peace of mind and it was [my university]'s error in assigning me a roommate that has caused this commotion and my current anxiety and depression.
I have also been struggling to get a single room with a bathroom, as I am a transgender person who does not feel safe showering in a room in which other people (of any gender, but mostly men) have easy access to my shower stall. It has resulted in my not showering for weeks, or driving an hour and a half away to a place where I DO feel safe and comfortable to shower. But, as you probably know, all of the dorm rooms with a private shower and bathroom are DOUBLES. Which means when I signed up for a DOUBLE because it had a SHOWER I was HOPING that I wouldn’t be assigned a roommate when presumably it was already in my forms that I wasn’t supposed to be assigned a roommate, I was instead assigned one ANYWAY because I “filled out the paperwork indicating roommate preference and that I was a “tolerant” roommate when I had no way of knowing that filling out those forms was NOT required and that I filled out JUST IN CASE and was assigned a roommate because of that! and now this is seriously causing me significant distress as well as worry and making me very uncomfortable and anxious AND making me feel GUILTY, when I shouldn’t have to feel guilty!
Not only that but the university has put BOTH of our housing at risk! My “roommate” assumed that she would be getting a specific accepting roommate. I assumed that I would be getting the room that I SIGNED UP FOR without the roommate! But she’s already moved in! And *I* don’t want to kick her out! Because if I were to see her later in the same building, or at the QRC WHERE SHE NOW WORKS AT THE FRONT DESK (which is another uncomfortable complication) and KEEP the room, that she has already moved into, I would feel extremely guilty and gross running into her knowing that I (well not I *really*, really the university shitting all over the rug) pulled the rug out from underneath her housing-wise. :(((((((( Literally to the point of depressed-crying in bed before I go to sleep at night. Which might also be the antibiotics and infection in my tooth fucking me up. But bleh.
So yeah. Comments and/or advice and/or reassurance absolutely welcomed and appreciated.
[my university] has put me in a very difficult and uncomfortable position. I’m a student registered with the Disability Resource Center who should not have had a roommate assigned to me but was assigned one anyway by accident. I’m very saddened and upset by this mistake and I only wish I was someone who could enjoy or tolerate having someone else in my living space. I’m the kind of person of whom if I had a significant other, they’d be sleeping in another room, or at least I would have a room in the house/space that was purely my own that I could go and be within four walls and a door. It is a necessity for my peace of mind and it was [my university]'s error in assigning me a roommate that has caused this commotion and my current anxiety and depression.
I have also been struggling to get a single room with a bathroom, as I am a transgender person who does not feel safe showering in a room in which other people (of any gender, but mostly men) have easy access to my shower stall. It has resulted in my not showering for weeks, or driving an hour and a half away to a place where I DO feel safe and comfortable to shower. But, as you probably know, all of the dorm rooms with a private shower and bathroom are DOUBLES. Which means when I signed up for a DOUBLE because it had a SHOWER I was HOPING that I wouldn’t be assigned a roommate when presumably it was already in my forms that I wasn’t supposed to be assigned a roommate, I was instead assigned one ANYWAY because I “filled out the paperwork indicating roommate preference and that I was a “tolerant” roommate when I had no way of knowing that filling out those forms was NOT required and that I filled out JUST IN CASE and was assigned a roommate because of that! and now this is seriously causing me significant distress as well as worry and making me very uncomfortable and anxious AND making me feel GUILTY, when I shouldn’t have to feel guilty!
Not only that but the university has put BOTH of our housing at risk! My “roommate” assumed that she would be getting a specific accepting roommate. I assumed that I would be getting the room that I SIGNED UP FOR without the roommate! But she’s already moved in! And *I* don’t want to kick her out! Because if I were to see her later in the same building, or at the QRC WHERE SHE NOW WORKS AT THE FRONT DESK (which is another uncomfortable complication) and KEEP the room, that she has already moved into, I would feel extremely guilty and gross running into her knowing that I (well not I *really*, really the university shitting all over the rug) pulled the rug out from underneath her housing-wise. :(((((((( Literally to the point of depressed-crying in bed before I go to sleep at night. Which might also be the antibiotics and infection in my tooth fucking me up. But bleh.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-31 07:47 pm (UTC)In terms of what to say to her, I think something along the lines of "this is really awkward, because I already know you and like you, but I was trying to apply for a 'double' room to myself as an accommodation because both sharing a room and sharing a bathroom are unworkable for me, and so now that there's been this mix-up I'm not sure how things are going to shake out, which I guess leaves us both kind of in limbo until we find out how this is resolved" would make sense. What she really needs to know is what directly affects her, namely that that a) you're okay with HER as a person, b) but you aren't really okay with ANY roommate, and c) you hope there's some way to sort this out, but right now you don't really know what's going to happen.
Fingers crossed that there's some way this can still work out somehow...!
no subject
Date: 2018-09-01 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-09-01 12:45 am (UTC)---
(ONE)
Hello {name],
Thank you for introducing yourself and I apologize for the incoming bad news. This is really awkward as I already know you and like you. I think we've met a couple times at the QRC, I'm the short dude with a beard and the bloody eyeball sweatshirt :D I also really wish that I could join you for D&D T-T
... I am a student with the Disability Resource Center (DRC) and I was trying to apply for a 'double' room to myself as an accommodation because both sharing a room and sharing a bathroom are unworkable for me as a trans dude with health problems. But PSU assumed that I would be fine with a roommate because I filled out roommate preferences (because I thought I was required to) and apparently didn't check on my accommodations. So now that there's been this mix-up I'm not sure how things are going to shake out, which leaves us both kind of in a painful limbo until we find out how this is resolved. Do you want me to keep you updated on what's going on when it goes on? I'm not sure if Housing or the DRC have contacted you already. Which would be kind of crummy of them not to have done.
I don't really know anything about anything going on right now, but I think that they might be trying to find me a different room (probably in another building *sad sigh*. Have you lived in [Dorm's Name] before? It's really great. I've basically lived there for my entire time at [my university], and just recently wanted to 'upgrade' so I could have a private bathroom that isn't blocked off by only an unlocked door and (in worst case) a plain shower curtain...)
So yeah, thanks to Housing's mistake this has put me in a gross-feeling situation and I'm so sorry this is happening.
Thank you,
Damien
(ps. apologies for taking this long to get back to you. I've had some medical difficulties recently which also puts a damper on things)
(TWO)
Also and just to make it absolutely clear if I haven't done so in the above email. This is all on Housing and their mistake. I think you're awesome (from the small interactions I've had with you) and I really wish I was in the right space to have a roommate as I think you would probably be one of the best. But as is, I'm not capable of living with someone and still staying healthy, I wouldn't even be able to share a room with a significant other or family for an extended amount of time if that tells you anything. I'm very sorry again that Housing has put us in this weird position and I really hope that there's no hard feelings.
Thanks again,
Damien
---
*weeps* This makes me so SAD. (and also I put 'health issues' instead of 'mental health issues' just because. And I already know her from the QRC so she probably has a pretty good idea of who I am and stating that I'm trans is a *pretty* good reason to want a private bathroom. *sighs*
no subject
Date: 2018-09-01 01:56 am (UTC)Still thinking hopeful thoughts for you, friend. And for the other student assigned to the room, too!