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catharsis_logsI woke up today to really loud jet engines of maybe jet fighters, like roaring across the sky and they were really loud and they immediately freaked me out and made my anxiety kick into high gear and scream stuff like "It's world war 3!!!" or "we're all gonna die!", at one point I jumped out of bed and pulled my blinds aside, practically blinding myself searching for these assholes screaming across the sky.
And then my heartrate was just... up all morning. I tried taking half an anxiety med (the one that's supposed to reduce heart-rate) and that didn't seem to help and I kept thinking that I was maybe having a heart attack or something (so much for me telling my new therapist that panic attacks have become fairly rare) but then it got so bad and I needed to go do things, so I took half a xanax and that seemed to help, a little bit, as did eating some crackers and candy. But ugh, the hummingbird heart, the dread and worry and the impulse to just hide under my covers and isolate-isolate-isolate. Not fun LOL.
But I did manage to leave my dorm and go hang out with someone I'm hoping I can call a new friend. We're having similar upsetting worries and uncertainties about the same class, and also we had a really amazing conversation one evening after we'd attended the same school event about being trans, and difficulties with the Queer Resources Center here on campus and just generally really connected. But then there was a rough class period, and then I emailed them, and then I didn't get an email back and then I was worried but last night they did email me! And everything's fine! And we have compatible worries and anxieties and experiences of the world!
But now it's five hours after taking that xanax and I'm starting to feel more anxious again, and less with-it. So, I think I might sneak out to take a med really quick so I can concentrate better on the rest of the class.
I also have a new therapist, which is interesting and fairly good so far. She gave me some homework that I actually did for once, and I'm seeing her weekly. She has a therapy dog who is a huge sweetie. And then I have Physical Therapy on Friday, which, while I would LOVE to go home on Thursday I... can't, cuz PT oh well. I'm planning on going home right AFTER PT.
And then my heartrate was just... up all morning. I tried taking half an anxiety med (the one that's supposed to reduce heart-rate) and that didn't seem to help and I kept thinking that I was maybe having a heart attack or something (so much for me telling my new therapist that panic attacks have become fairly rare) but then it got so bad and I needed to go do things, so I took half a xanax and that seemed to help, a little bit, as did eating some crackers and candy. But ugh, the hummingbird heart, the dread and worry and the impulse to just hide under my covers and isolate-isolate-isolate. Not fun LOL.
But I did manage to leave my dorm and go hang out with someone I'm hoping I can call a new friend. We're having similar upsetting worries and uncertainties about the same class, and also we had a really amazing conversation one evening after we'd attended the same school event about being trans, and difficulties with the Queer Resources Center here on campus and just generally really connected. But then there was a rough class period, and then I emailed them, and then I didn't get an email back and then I was worried but last night they did email me! And everything's fine! And we have compatible worries and anxieties and experiences of the world!
But now it's five hours after taking that xanax and I'm starting to feel more anxious again, and less with-it. So, I think I might sneak out to take a med really quick so I can concentrate better on the rest of the class.
I also have a new therapist, which is interesting and fairly good so far. She gave me some homework that I actually did for once, and I'm seeing her weekly. She has a therapy dog who is a huge sweetie. And then I have Physical Therapy on Friday, which, while I would LOVE to go home on Thursday I... can't, cuz PT oh well. I'm planning on going home right AFTER PT.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-22 12:10 am (UTC)I definitely sympathize about the planes, though. I'm at a point where the really loud ones usually only make me a little bit anxious, but they used to just terrify me every time. I'm glad it sounds like you were able to take pretty good care of yourself!