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Jun. 20th, 2020 02:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catharsis_logsI haven't talked to my best friend in like a month. I feel like we're pulling apart. I feel kind of undermined in the friendship, they have so much energy and I hardly have any, and then when I say something innocently and in good faith I feel like they always find something to critique about what I said.
I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells and that I can't have any unedited thoughts because I worry about being misunderstood. It also doesn't help that the way we think about things is pretty different. I rely a lot upon abstract thoughts and they seem to be very specific and it's hard for me to get them to understand what (and how) I'm thinking or even interact with what I have to say that isn't just me nodding, laughing, and agreeing with them.
I'm scared of opening up communication with them again because interacting with them(and people in general, it's not just them, I'm having a severe energy problem) is exhausting but they're my 'best (only) friend' and my dad is asking about them so I feel pressure to do something.
I've been thinking about writing them a letter and then sending it in the mail, because we haven't really talked about all the stuff that's been happening recently with the world and there's just too much to text, but I don't want to type it because that feels more distant than I want to be but I also can't edit a written letter, if that makes any sense at all. I also worry about 'talking too much about myself'.
But I also worry that we're just so different in our ways of thinking now (I've gone through some growth that they might not have, but they're also gone through some growth that *I* haven't) and we're so far apart in distance (they're an hour and a half away) that I'm really sadly thinking about if I even want to keep up the friendship at all...
Well! I know what I'm going to be talking about in therapy next time!
I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells and that I can't have any unedited thoughts because I worry about being misunderstood. It also doesn't help that the way we think about things is pretty different. I rely a lot upon abstract thoughts and they seem to be very specific and it's hard for me to get them to understand what (and how) I'm thinking or even interact with what I have to say that isn't just me nodding, laughing, and agreeing with them.
I'm scared of opening up communication with them again because interacting with them(and people in general, it's not just them, I'm having a severe energy problem) is exhausting but they're my 'best (only) friend' and my dad is asking about them so I feel pressure to do something.
I've been thinking about writing them a letter and then sending it in the mail, because we haven't really talked about all the stuff that's been happening recently with the world and there's just too much to text, but I don't want to type it because that feels more distant than I want to be but I also can't edit a written letter, if that makes any sense at all. I also worry about 'talking too much about myself'.
But I also worry that we're just so different in our ways of thinking now (I've gone through some growth that they might not have, but they're also gone through some growth that *I* haven't) and we're so far apart in distance (they're an hour and a half away) that I'm really sadly thinking about if I even want to keep up the friendship at all...
Well! I know what I'm going to be talking about in therapy next time!
no subject
Date: 2020-06-22 02:31 am (UTC)The abstract/concrete thing is something I've ended up thinking about a lot over the years; it's like the world I live in, which is made up of concepts and stories and moral conundrums and things, is sort of misty and half-real to people who are more interested in the reality of what's right in front of them, and then in turn, I have trouble coming out of my world of ideas for long enough to appreciate what they value. And neither way of looking at the world is in any way bad -- they both have advantages! -- but it can be hard to find common ground sometimes.
Anyway, I hope you figure out a way of going forward that feels right to you, whether that means letting your paths diverge or finding a way to reconnect!